forgiveness

I’m a forgiving person,
I will eventually forgive

For once you’ll have to earn it

My friend says the Bible says to forgive
because Jesus forgave;
I do not care what the Bible says,

I can’t keep giving away forgiveness
like it’s candy
And today is Halloween
Just to anybody

I am always willing to forgive

But I hate when
People turn around
And seem to throw it in my face
But doesn’t everybody do that?
I would hope so,
The problem, though, is that
Sometimes, when you forgive

People throw it in your face
Like cups of boiling water

And I find myself crumbling
My spirits sinking
And I end up hurt
Foolish enough to think that
Everybody deserves
An unconditional chance

But sometimes,

In some cases,
Forgiving the same person

For similar things
And they keep breaking my trust

Is an impossibility if I am to stay sane

My friend points out
Wouldn’t I like the same?

To be forgiven
And loved unconditionally?

In this case, no
Even though, for most people
I am willing to forgive
And forgive
And forgive
I will do it a hundred million times over
Until it reaches the point
Where they no longer make an effort
To apologize or to show me
That my forgiveness
Means something
I can’t…
handle that
And maybe that makes me completely selfish.
Even then, my friend says,

If you did something stupid,
wouldn’t you want to be forgiven?
and loved still?
Yes, I say,
But usually I make an effort
To apologize

if i screw up massively
And want to be forgiven
Then I own up to it
I never just expect people to forgive me

And when people DO forgive me,
I still make an effort
To show them that I AM sorry
and that I do deserve to be forgiven.

Time will only tell
If I can forgive this time

I’ll try to be patient,
But I’m not one for waiting
I want decisive answers
And I want honesty,
Even if it’s not what I want to hear.

I may be as stubborn as a mule
But I know what I want
And what is right
What should and is supposed to happen.
And so, I wait.
I’ll forgive you, one day,
Though it may not be that soon.


******

The text of this poem was taken from a conversation between me and a good friend; I turned it into a poem to protect their identity.

And if you know what this is about, kudos for that & thanks.

Anyway, later!
-Aly

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